growing up i wanted to be a professional soccer player. i trained my ass off, got addicted to working out, developed a couple eating disorders, and by the time i was 18, after having gone to spain twice to play, i was completely burnt out.

despite feeling this way, once i was back home i convinced my parents that i was good mentally to go play. so i went to the university of central arkansas to play d1 soccer. special shout out to Gabe, Owen, Reece, Guy, Abdulinche, Jakobe, Kosei, and Haruki who helped me survive out there.

during my time here, i played for the second team and sometimes practiced with the first team. i was at an all time low mentally, and my relationship with food was terrible. i gained weight, lots of it, and wanted to kill myself. this desire was something i had been dealing with for a good portion of my life.

after a year studying in arkansas, i transferred over to the university of southern california. my first year out there was not so much fun. my mind and thoughts had consumed me entirely. i felt like i was drowning in a body of water with a 200 pound weight on my back.

things were so bad that my stomach was constantly in pain, something I was dealing with for the past couple of years. i was in pain 24/7, and ended up going to the mayo clinic, getting my stomach cut open, ultimately for them to tell me that nothing was wrong with me. shout out Dion for helping me survive that year, listening to me when i needed an open ear, and taking me to the hospital that one night.

after the surgery i remember feeling hopeless. i was sick and tired of feeling this way, and i wanted to end it all. but i wasn’t going to. once I finished my sophomore year, my dad took me to brazil to do ayahuasca. it was a transformative experience. shout out to the Madrina, Paulo, Gilmar, mi papa por llevarme, Mauricio por su compania, y el resto del EQUIPAZO alli en el spiritual center. and to myself for being open to doing this.